Valentine’s Day is a day devoted to love and affection. With it being around the corner, there sure is excitement but at the same time it adds a lot of pressure. Over the years, the expectations coming from this day have intensified to a great deal. Partners are nervous and want to make sure their better halves have a special day. We try to do our level best – whether it is getting a nice gift, a favourite restaurant reservation, booking a romantic spa, or even wearing fancy lingerie to impress.
However, as a result of these expectations, it is more likely that the couple or individual partners are left upset and perhaps disappointed because their needs are not met.
The key component that couples forget is that of communication.
Although communication is generally important, it is especially imperative for days we consider significant. Here are some points to keep in mind:
Always communicate what your expectations or needs are.
However much we may think that our partner knows what we want, he/she probably does not. The worst habit that we can have is to assume. Therefore, we must share what we would like – what kind of gift, what kind of meal, whether it should be just between the two or more, etc. However, be mindful and realistic in what to expect. It is important to communicate our needs but also important to understand what is possible.
If the expectations communicated are very different from what you have in mind, it is extremely important to communicate the same.
Don’t get harsh, offensive, or react. Instead, it is more helpful to use “I” statements. For example, “I feel could we do this instead?” or “I am sorry I may not be able to do this but what do you think of this?”. These “I” statements are far more mindful and end up leading to healthier conversations.
It is important to communicate about financial budgets and limitations.
As mentioned earlier, expectations need to be realistic. Therefore, both parties need to recognize and be aware of what each individual’s budgets are and therefore what is possible and attainable.
There is a certain amount of pressure on pleasing your partner.
This pressure of Valentine’s Day is not only for gifts, etc. but also extends to your sexual life. Firstly, it is important to remember that we don’t only need one day to express our love and affection to our partners. It can happen on any other day also. Therefore, if you are not feeling well or have your period and are PMSing where you are not up to having sex; please communicate that to your partner so that he/she is well aware of how you feel.
Try to communicate all sexual needs to each other.
One should not assume that the other person knows what we like and therefore it is extremely important that we communicate the same. Lastly, please be respectful when communicating your needs. Do not pressure the other person to do something that they may not be comfortable doing. Sex is an extremely intimate activity, which makes a relationship stronger. It is important to be mindful of that and treasure it the same way.
Acknowledge all the effort your partner is making.
As human beings, we are conditioned to be critical and only look at the negative. Rather than only concentrating or highlighting the things that they were perhaps not able to do, look at the positives of your partner’s efforts. It is important to remember that despite all of our hectic lives, we should try to make an effort to communicate with our partners, and that should be acknowledged and appreciated on all days and not just Valentine’s day!
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To know more about mental health, read Ishita Pateria’s articles right here.
